Interpersonal Skills: A Win/Win Situation

By Linda Chaff

Happy is the occasion when an item can be returned to the store, and there’s an attentive customer service person who listens to the reason for the return, smiles, then issues a credit or a refund. Period. No hassles, no having to explain the situation repeatedly, no need to speak to a supervisor or write a letter to the CEO.

Having had a positive experience, the consumer is likely to return to that same store in the future, and may even recommend it to friends. The same can be said for companies that offer services. It’s not a matter of “the customer is always right”; instead, it’s the reasoning acceptance that “the customer always has a right.” An effective employee knows this. Listening politely and attentively will go a long way to smooth ruffled feathers, whether with customers or coworkers. There will be disagreements within an office setting too. It could be about any number of things, from daily routine to management strategies to long-term advertising campaigns. There’s nothing inherently wrong with disagreements as long as they are handled properly: with civility, respect for another’s opinion, and a willingness to quickly implement any workable outcome.

If people are not given an opportunity to speak (make a comment, reply, rebut, whatever) within one minute of a statement, they become frustrated and cease to really listen. At that point, they’ve tuned out, concentrating on their reply rather than what’s being said. A good conversationalist will include due consideration for the listener. This is equally valid for situations at the office, between coworkers; at home with family or friends; and especially applicable to anyone who deals with the public, whether in customer service or some other capacity.

The term, interpersonal skills, automatically includes more than one person. Improving one’s interpersonal skills means that the individual will be able to interface more effectively. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. It would be nice if people wouldn’t take out their frustrations on a customer rep, nonetheless they do. However, consumers would be wise to preface a complaint with, “This isn’t directed at you personally, but….” It’s amazing how much more sympathetic customer service reps are when they don’t feel personally assaulted.

Conversely, a good listener will hear the individual out. Regardless of the circumstance—misread code bar at the supermarket, having a satellite dish improperly installed, or a mother’s complaint that her son doesn’t call any more.

Another aspect of good interpersonal skills is the ability to assume the mantle of responsibility during a dispute. “What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand?’ is amusing as a lyric, but two things are at play here. If something unpleasant, or a corrective measure, is involved, consider the impact of the word “you.” “Why didn’t you file this?” is perceived quite differently from “Why weren’t these filed?” In a negative situation, it is a gnarled accusing finger and will almost always make a person feel guilty, resentful, or defensive. In a positive situation, the word “you” is excellent because it reinforces that the individual did something right.

The other clue from that lyric is “don’t you understand.” The blame is shifted entirely onto the listener for failing to grasp the message. A person with good interpersonal skills isn’t afraid to say, “Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear.” That takes the onus off the listener, and puts the problem squarely on the other’s shoulders. “There’s nothing wrong with you; there’s something wrong with the way I explained it.” A willingness to accept responsibility—deserved or not--is an enormous plus to effective interpersonal skills.

Improved interpersonal skills are a win/win situation from just about any perspective. Employees will notice that they are being listened to more carefully, and that’s a strong motivator to continue to improve communication skills. They will also begin to feel that they have some influence on how things are done, and that their opinions are valued. This leads to greater job satisfaction and increased pride in their own job performances. Once employees see the benefits of improved interpersonal skills, it often—consciously or otherwise—spills over into their personal lives.

The techniques for improved interpersonal skills are brief; the long-term benefits are endless.